MONDAY, MARCH 19, 2018
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With Scarlett Johansson. You're loving it. She's loving it. Deepika Padukone shows up. But she just wants to cuddle, so you go back to Scarlett. You're about to orgasm. But there's Deepika again, nuzzling your neck. It's getting a little distracting. Suddenly your mum appears. And a parade of other people. You don't recognise most of them. Who are they? Why are they in your bed? They don't even seem to notice that you're having sex. Your mum shakes your hand. You can't concentrate. You can't orgasm. You wake up. What the hell was that about? This dream is bizarre, but it's not unusual. Movie stars, pairs of women and even mums are common characters in men's sex dreams. And the sex happening in your subconscious isn't always enjoyable-fear and frustration are as common as pleasure. Still, even if your dreams seem perverse, research suggests you're normal. We've broken down some of the most common somnolent scenarios and ventured some educated guesses as to what they're trying to tell you.
1. Coitus Interruptus
What you assume it means: You're damned unlucky - why are the good dreams always ruined by your mum/sister/cleaning lady?
What it really means: An aspect of your life is incomplete or you're worried about your sexuality. "This is probably the most common sexual dream for men," says Dr Prakash Kothari, a Mumbai-based sexologist. "You hardly ever have a sexual dream in which you come to orgasm. Usually things go wrong-it gets complicated." Why can't you finish the job? It could be related to what's happening when you're awake. " These dreams can occur when you're not able to complete something in your life - maybe work related," says Patricia Garfield, author, Creative Dreaming. Or it could be that you're uptight about sex itself. Think about the dream in which your mum spoils your friendship with Scarlett Johansson. "This dream occurs most when people are younger, in their twenties and thirties, when they're getting more comfortable with their sexuality," says Gayle Delaney, from the Association for the Study of Dreams and author, All About Dreams. "It's generally how people work through their unfinished embarrassment about sexuality."
What you assume it means: Deep down, you're a cheating love-rat.
What it really means: You're just exploring your feelings about your wife or girlfriend. "Often, other woman dreams are really about the woman you're with," says Delaney. Let's say you're standing facing your wife, but there's a beautiful, sexy woman standing behind her. You're trying to hug your wife so you can lean around and kiss the other woman. Does it mean you want to have an affair? A threesome? Sex on a bus during rush hour? Maybe the sexy woman represents the things about your wife that turn you on. And what if the wrong woman turns out to be, um, the wrong species? "Don't worry. Think of the qualities the animal or family member represents to you," says Garfield.
3. Someone Of The Same Sex
What you assume it means: You must be a latent homosexual.
What it really means: Okay, brace yourself - you could want Shekhar. But don't switch teams and buy new shoes just yet. "There is a possibility of heterosexuals having homosexual dreams as well," says Dr Kothari. "It doesn't necessarily mean the dreamer is gay. It means that those desires are simply a part of the dreamer." Such dreams may also be a sign that you're spending too much time on yourself. "Having sex with someone too much like you can suggest you're turning your creative energies inward rather outward," says Kelly Bulkeley, a California-based dream researcher.
4. Your Girl And Another Man
What you assume it means: It's prophetic.
What it really means: You're worrying about the relationship. "People use sex in dreams as a metaphor for intimacy issues," says Dr Kothari. "It could be the effect of an affair that you had in the past and you suspect your wife or girlfriend to be doing the same. Your dream could also be representing guilt or fear," he adds. Consider what qualities your mate has and why your girlfriend might find them attractive, he says. Have you been getting lazy? Is your girlfriend vulnerable to a new man?
5. It's A Wet One
What you assume it means: You're sexually regressing. Soon, you'll be excited by your mum's underwear catalogues again.
What it really means: "You're normal. You can have a wet dream at any age," says Dr Kothari. During Rapid Eye Movement sleep, when most dreaming occurs, there's increased bloodflow to the genitals. In men, this causes up to six erections per night. Stimulation by rubbing or touching then usually brings on ejaculation. By the way, you're not the only one soaking the sheets. In a research from the Kinsey Institute, nearly 40 per cent of women reported having an orgasm during a sex dream.
6. Sex In Freud's Clothing
What you assume it means: You're worried about being mugged.
What it really means: Dreams that aren't overtly sexual can sometimes have a sexual connotation. "You might be worried about your sexual potency or your creative power," says Bulkeley. We're getting into Freudville here. Long, pointy objects often symbolises the male genitals, while hollow objects often symbolises the female genitals, he adds.
DREAM FACT: Men dream about strangers more often than women do. Women most often dream about people they know.
And If You Would Like To Be The Man Of Her Dreams…
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