MONDAY, MARCH 19, 2018
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Your great escape
Leaving your job or girlfriend can get messy. Here's how to tunnel out unscathed

Everything's stale
Are you certain you can only achieve your goals elsewhere?

Yes: "Stock your lifeboat before you jump," says Delhi-based psychotherapist and counsellor, Dr Pulkit Sharma. Prioritise refreshing two key contacts daily, post the decision.

No: "Meet your boss and enquire about future projects to ensure you won't miss any pay rises or promotions," he says. If necessary, say you are considering a house move as your smokescreen.

We are not talking
Is the problem more than 50 per cent your fault?

Yes: Don't get into the blame game. Plan for the future. "Reinforce your positives to ensure they are remembered in the reference conversation to come," says Delhibased relationship counsellor, Rachna K Singh.

No: Hand in your notice, but not before you have given it your best shot. "In your exit meeting, stick to the story that you are leaving to develop your career," says Dr Sharma. "Only answer the question you want to answer."

Leaving for a better offer
Yes: Is there a chance you might come back? Make colleagues feel they have been partners in getting you to this stage. Send personalised emails and thank them for specific things they have done.

No: Even if you don't intend to return, you are likely to cross paths again. Think how you want to be remembered, says Dr Kersi Chavda, consultant psychiatrist, Hinduja Hospital, Mumabi. Spend your notice period living up to that image.

Are you often angry with your partner?

No: The opposite of love is indifference. "When you can't be bothered to argue, you know it's over," says Dr Sharma.

And with other people?
Yes: "Locate the source of your anxiety and attack the problem first, then return," says Dr Chavda.

No: It's time to split. "Identify those who are your social support," says Sharma . It's a shorter fall if the net's waiting.

Is the problem more than 50 per cent your fault?
Yes: "If you want to keep the relationship, figure out what went wrong," says Singh. So, stay calm and don't interrupt when she's speaking and never raise your tone to match hers.

No: There's nothing worse than not communicating even if you are not at fault. And if you are in it for the long haul, nothing beats showing your affection with a physcial gesture, says Singh.

Are you leaving her for someone she knows?
Yes: Avoid platitudes like, "I did not mean to harm you." Since she wants to know who you have been seeing and when, tell her the truth. The only stage at which you should lie is if she asks: 'Did you do it in our bed?' (Unless the answer is already no.)

No: A clean break is best. Tell her you are sorry but you have met someone and you need to end your relationships, says Singh. "Then, keep your meetings to a bare minimum. Stay in touch and she will think she's got a chance," says Dr Sharma.

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